A Comment/Review on soccerfan1965’s “Airport Shuttle”
Back to the EMCSA this Sunday. Today, I’m taking a look at a story by an author I’m sure I’ve never read before. Just as the title of this post goes, I’m talking about soccerfan1965’s Airport Shuttle. Synopsis below:
A man helps a woman with her baggage at the airport.
Looking at the author’s list of stories posted at the site, I see they were quite active around 2011/2012, and then stopped posting until this latest update. I wasn’t doing much in the community back then because life wasn’t being too kind on me so I missed all pieces posted in the past. I decided to check one out today because I do enjoy getting to know other people’s creative efforts so…
This is a pretty straightforward affair. Man – Curt! – helps woman – Lakeesha! – with luggage at the airport, woman turns out to be a vixen hypnotist, effortlessly gets inside his head, and turns him into her property. There’s absolutely nothing in the tale that stands out as different from the myriad of other pieces in the genre. It’s written in first person from the man’s point of view and, while I was reading it, I got the impression that English is perhaps not the author’s native language. I did notice some odd phrasings here and there and a lot of missing punctuation as well, especially comma-wise. Because of it, the flow of the text is not as good as it could be though it’s certainly not as distracting as in other pieces I’ve read in the past. All in all, it’s an adequate job, but one I feel could be so much more with some proper editing.
Because I always try to be honest with these, I have to say I enjoyed it to some extent but certainly not as much as other takes by other authors in the last couple of weeks. In my humble opinion, there are some good tidbits spread throughout but they seem to be lost in the overall package. Had it been one of my stories, I probably would have left the first-person POV behind in favor of a third-person omniscient narrator to better frame the various passages. I feel like that would have helped the story more but authors are sovereign in the way they choose they present their creativity so please take these remarks as nothing more than that.
Thank you for reading.
