Jill of All Trades
“Jill, you’re a Businesswoman with a capital B. You have triumphed in the world of fashion, music, entertainment… What is the key to your success?” The reporter asked.
“My army of brainwashed minions. Say, Joe, I think you’ll be a fine addition…”
His mic dropped. So did his jaw.
Jill of all trades, Mistress, too.
I’m sure you’re more than familiar with the phrase “Jack of all trades, master of none”. That was definitely the primary source of inspiration for this one but, as you know, in Spell… B-O-U-N-D, women rule so instead of a Master, we have a Mistress and Mistress always knows best. If you doubt this to be right, wait until she brainwashes you, too.
Money Doesn’t Buy Happiness
“I love Valentine’s Day!” Chloe said.
“I know…” Dave sighed as he checked his dwindling bank account.
“Money doesn’t buy happiness, you know?”
“Mine apparently does…” he grumbled.
“Are you complaining? Because you know what happens when you do…”
No hypnosis, no bliss, and no sex. He opened his wallet and gave her another card.
It’s Valentine’s Day and gifts are part of the tradition, right? Yeah, the date is riddled with commercial significance which is why I don’t like it very much but one can use it to write something funny and that’s what I did.
I’m certainly not saying all women are like this – they’re not – but I know a few with this particular mindset and it’s quite easy to “blackmail” a man appealing to his primal instincts.
Anyway, I hope you’re enjoying the day. If you have a special lady in your life, cherish her always and not just on February 14th.
Corporate Ladder
“Do you know why I called you to my office today. Derrick?”
“No, Mrs. Sanders.”
“I’ve decided to promote you.”
“For real?”
“Yes. You’ll be my new…”
“Sales Manager?”
“I was going to say Brainwashed Slave but whatever title you prefer…”
The best way to climb the corporate ladder is kneeling at a woman’s feet.
In certain careers, promotions are a big thing, right? People fight for them tooth and nail. A promotion usually means better salary but it can also mean additional work load, more stress, etc… unless you’re so high in the hierarchy already that basically you’re being paid not to work or something… hey, it happens!
In my case, every time I got a promotion in previous jobs, that meant more trouble for me. Climbing the corporate ladder left and right has never been an obsession. I just want to do things right whatever my occupation is.
Anyway, I witnessed a promotion going down today and the poor fellow was both flabbergasted and terrified. I don’t think he wanted the position at all but now he has to deal with the aftermath. We’ll see how it goes. On my part, I wish him luck.
And yes, that event inspired this one but, as expected, I gave it my own ironic twist. He’ll never read this so I guess I’m safe.
Shocked
“You look shocked, dear,” Carmen said.
“I am,” Elliot retorted. “What’s up with this electricity bill?”
“The brainwashing chamber in the guest bedroom drains a lot of juice.”
“That’s very funny.”
“I’m not kidding. Check for yourself.”
“Okay.”
He opened the mahogany door and…
ZAP! His thoughts blacked out.
“You look shocked, dear,” Carmen grinned.
Even though I’m spending less time indoors, electricity is on the rise around here. My dogs are to blame. I need to leave the lights on because when I come home from work it’s already dark and they don’t like that one bit so…
However, that’s such a mundane reason, isn’t it? When it comes to fantasies, one can always go for something else, something slightly funny, too. And that’s how this piece was born.
If you ever find yourself staring at an electricity bill more expensive than usual, now you know the real reason why.