The Melody Will Not Go Silent
By the time you read this, I’ll be gone and don’t bother trying to find me because I’ll be… hmmm… gone, and…
I’m sorry, I’ve always wanted to write something like this but now I’m at a loss as to how I should continue so let’s just leave at that for now, okay? Anyway, how are you? Have you been keeping well? If you’re wondering who’s talking right now, perk up your ears (or your eyes in this case)… it’s me, the lovely queen of impromptu writing, the woman that knows all of your dirty secrets and is capable of coming up with a few more on the spot if I’m in the mood for it. Information is my game and I have some more to share with you today. I just need to remember what it is first.
Let’s see… was it something about Christmas? No, because we’ve been down that road before, haven’t we? Nothing really exciting happened this time around so there’s no point in treading old ground, hmmm… it was right at the tip of my tongue and now the story has gone back into hiding. Come out, come out wherever you are… don’t you know that people’s attention span tends to be quite short and that they’ll easily stop paying attention to you unless you surprise them with something like…
Balls! Cock! A kick in the gonads going once, twice and… sold to the gentleman in the lower corner! Yes, that was random but I have your attention again, at least for a little bit. Now you’re wondering at least two things at the same time and I’m about to tell you what they are just so there aren’t any doubts left.
One: you’re thinking if I’m ever going to remember the reason why I started writing this in the first place. Two: you’re thinking what will I say next to keep this rolling if I don’t. There’s nothing wrong with either line of reasoning really, but I fear there are many more variations you’re not accounting for at the moment. For starters, who’s to say there’s really a point to all of this? I did say early on I wanted to tell you something but have you considered the possibility that I was… I don’t know… not being truthful at all? Information is fluid, and meanings evolve just like people do. Maybe this is a game, a test of your reactions in face of such an absurdity. Perhaps, I’m checking to see how many seconds you last before bouncing off this page to check something else. Maybe this is one of these weird dreams. It could be my dream, your dream, someone else’s dream. Maybe I’m an alien about to stick a probe up your…
Interesting… you’re still there. That tells me that you either believe that some sense is possible or that you’re a masochist, a glutton for randomness who can’t wait for dessert. Maybe you’re a little bit of both. Did you know that masochists are the greatest optimists of all? It’s true. They believe in pleasure through pain and they experience it to the fullest. I admire that stance, that unquestionable belief that combines such disparaging ideas into something good. I admire the courage that takes to push boundaries and stick around to see them get pushed instead of running away at the mere thought of seeing them shatter. I’m glad you’re still reading but…
… you’re probably experiencing a headache right now. I most certainly would be if I were in your shoes. My feet would also be killing me if I were in your shoes so let’s not exchange footwear anytime soon, deal? What we can exchange are ideas, anything that strikes your fancy, anything that makes you tick…
And now you’re thinking. Wait… when did this become about me and why do I find this sexy? Good questions as well. I reckon it’s got something to do with those burning desires of yours of having a woman come into your life to slowly take hold of it. That innermost recess of your brain that yearns for some kind of domination kicks in every time certain words are used, kind of like hypnotic triggers. It could be that you’re still around because you like how I’m leading the situation even if simply connecting strange things one after another. Your subconscious is reading between the lines, perhaps hoping to see a spiral there when all that’s left is just… white… space… nothingness.
Hmmm, yes… I’m sure a chord has been struck and now a melody rings inside you. Are you going to hum it along with me or pretend it’s not there? It is said that the best way to cement something in your head is to try to forget it and for good reason. However, being stuck in a loop isn’t so bad especially if the loop is something you want. You want to believe there’s a place where those fetish views of the world can be acted upon. You want to believe that my words will take you there. You want to believe that, by giving in to this aspiration, everything will be absolutely perfect.
Believe me, it’s not. Perfection is a good word for dictionaries and encyclopedias but a terrible one for real life. Perfection will always drag down your enjoyment of anything that’s possible. Even a perfect fantasy is boring after a while. Small pockets of bliss, however, do exist, whether your mind is sinking down into a trance or not. Keep those in mind the next time you go into overdrive about anything.
Oh… look, I just remembered what I wanted to tell you but it doesn’t really matter anymore, does it? If you’re still a bit dazed, rest assured that your thoughts will return to you in a second. However, the ache will remain, the melody will not go silent. Don’t fight it and just embrace what’s to come with a smile upon your lips. You’ll hear from me again very soon and that sweet little confusion will turn into the certainty of proper servitude. That’s one piece of information I know for a fact to be true.
